After a long hiatus from blogging, welcome back to a list of complaints about running.
Since my dad and I have decided to run a half marathon I have been hitting the pavement much more often. Unfortunately, that leads to many pet peeves about running that make me want to scream and junk punch people.
Today it was 85 degrees in Southern California (suck it East Coast), so I decided to venture out with shorts on. Shorts + thunder thighs + sweat = uncomfortable chafing. No matter how much I enjoy watching my own leg muscles flex (after watching them be sick blobs on my office chair all day), I will wear capris until the inside of my legs no longer touch. Come on 20 pounds.
2. Unexpected Knee Pain
After a day of being stuck in the office when I should be laying on a beach somewhere, I was psuedo-excited to venture outdoors in the perfect weather. That is until I took one step and it felt like my leg exploded. I kept running, but I wanted to pull the move of the kid in the above picture.
3. Sidewalk Blockers
Hi, I see you running at me full speed. I will make eye contact with you. I will smile and say hello. I will rock this poncho. But I will not… I repeat WILL NOT move out of my position on the sidewalk to let you pass. You can run in the grass, peasant. Or even better, go run in the street.
4. Idiots on Bikes
Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife… I’m gonna put a stick in their bike spokes if they pull the same move as the sidewalk blockers.
5. Idiots on Skateboards
I ain’t hating on skateboarding, but I will hate on skateboard hooligans if they insist on following suit of their walking and bike riding brethren and riding straight toward me while they are trying to sound hard about the middle school party they are going to go to this weekend.
P.S. If you happen to know of a breeder that breeds skateboard riding, cigar smoking, wine drinking terriers, please email me their phone number (firstname.lastname@example.org).
6. Old Car Fumes
A) Hippie Brittany hates pollution. B) Running Brittany can’t breathe as it is, please don’t spew you’re 1984 Chevy Nova P.O.S. smog in my face.
7. Dog Poo on the Sidewalk
Hey, Mister, letting you’re dog s**t on the sidewalk, the world isn’t your toilet. What the hell is wrong with you? If karma exists, the people that let their dog poop on the sidewalk and don’t pick it up will get a special hell that guarantees that everywhere they step in poop. And then, ONLY then, will I feel vindicated. Until then, I will resort to angrily blogging about it and potentially yelling at people when I see them committing this cardinal sin (potentially because if they look shady, they might have a gun).
Despite it all, I will continue to run. Mostly because I am committed to finding the bright side, and I keep running maybe I can scratch number 1 off the list. Too bad for everyone else the decline of humanity is responsible for numbers 3-7.
And with that, I bid you goodnight.